Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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