Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
