i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
