I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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