i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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