What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
