Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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