I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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