I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
