dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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