I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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