I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
