I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
