Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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