nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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