He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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