My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
