I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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