After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
