What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
