____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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