My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
