dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
