I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.