Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.

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  (508): god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?! (774): Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to. http://tfl.nu/gr6l
  Replies (25) Good night (869) Bad night (5056)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

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  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (654) Bad night (3049)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

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  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8396) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker

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  (920): its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker http://tfl.nu/gudl
  Replies (11) Good night (1661) Bad night (3374)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.

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  (607): Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating. http://tfl.nu/yfie
  Replies (4) Good night (5130) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".

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  (407): She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high". http://tfl.nu/d3ih
  Replies (2) Good night (1382) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.

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  (515): He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend. http://tfl.nu/m6dn
  Replies (10) Good night (2865) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Did you reintroduce yourself?

  (407): View more from Florida

  He threatened to call the cops.

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  (407): When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house. (301): Did you reintroduce yourself? (407): He threatened to call the cops. http://tfl.nu/0bcc
  Replies (7) Good night (686) Bad night (1944)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

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  (317): I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me. http://tfl.nu/xee4
  Replies (8) Good night (2407) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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  (561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6
  Replies (11) Good night (1427) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I learned so much about myself in that shower.

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  (517): I learned so much about myself in that shower. http://tfl.nu/jhiq
  Replies (7) Good night (892) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.

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  (318): I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna. http://tfl.nu/hik5
  Replies (4) Good night (1262) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (+81): View more from

  There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"

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  (+81): There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there" http://tfl.nu/7b6f
  Replies (1) Good night (1069) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.

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  (+44): We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever. http://tfl.nu/yqo8
  Replies (3) Good night (819) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?

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  (813): So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance? http://tfl.nu/tosl
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (289)

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