Texts From Last Night

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  (754): View more from Florida

  do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?

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  (754): do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer? http://tfl.nu/0t31
  Replies (10) Good night (2992) Bad night (1286)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.

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  (404): I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner. http://tfl.nu/q9zc
  Replies (2) Good night (2786) Bad night (732)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8787) Bad night (1037)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..

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  (514): It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get.. http://tfl.nu/agd7
  Replies (9) Good night (3526) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

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  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (1286) Bad night (6781)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.

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  (215): I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day. http://tfl.nu/v175
  Replies (10) Good night (4186) Bad night (816)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

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  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
  Replies (39) Good night (5350) Bad night (1353)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

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  (516): she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude. http://tfl.nu/2mtw
  Replies (6) Good night (2125) Bad night (1919)
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  (+25): View more from

  We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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  (+25): We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them? http://tfl.nu/7ecx
  Replies (9) Good night (909) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.

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  (423): I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant. http://tfl.nu/k43z
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (2064)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (3391) Bad night (766)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.

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  (907): Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza. http://tfl.nu/7qtg
  Replies (10) Good night (1211) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.

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  (615): Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will. http://tfl.nu/qydy
  Replies (11) Good night (822) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY

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  (204): HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY http://tfl.nu/xzgm
  Replies (6) Good night (939) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.

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  (224): I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog. http://tfl.nu/7iet
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (368)

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