Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.

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(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal. http://tfl.nu/7hy6

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(913): View more from Kansas

The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.

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(913): The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them. http://tfl.nu/9puy

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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(563): I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase. http://tfl.nu/vq3r

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

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(918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home

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(412): when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home http://tfl.nu/u8cd

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.

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(320): Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year. http://tfl.nu/8zt2

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(912): View more from Georgia

just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end

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(912): just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end http://tfl.nu/x0of

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(618): View more from Illinois

Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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(618): Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all http://tfl.nu/t0uz

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(609): View more from New Jersey

She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.

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(609): She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew. http://tfl.nu/vnvf

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(204): View more from Manitoba

So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"

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(204): So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you" http://tfl.nu/y1sq

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(229): View more from Georgia

I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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(229): I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rrz0

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(907): View more from Alaska

his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

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(907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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(603): I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals. http://tfl.nu/uk0n

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(828): View more from North Carolina

It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point

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(828): It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point http://tfl.nu/65lu

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(540): View more from Virginia

His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.

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(540): His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me. http://tfl.nu/adz0

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