May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so much tequila, so little girl.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷