Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Mom said you looked used
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.