what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".