I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
