shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
