If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
