Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
