I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
