He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
