Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
