Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize