I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
