In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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