I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
