a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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