Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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