Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
