my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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