Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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