Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
