I wish I could teleport
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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