Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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