I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
