i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
