wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
