hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
