I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
