you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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