Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
