At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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