HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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