just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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