Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
