I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
