I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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