My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
