Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
