Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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