You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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