So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
