No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
