My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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