It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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