She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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